Sunny Side up Please!

Does everyone have "Illusions of Grandeur?" Here I sit in this house and look out to the grayest, dismal day and think, "The sun will come out tomorrow?" Am I questioning the weather system or my outlook on life? Hmm.......

This weekend I went to a art show at a friends and one of them asked why I never sent out email updates on my health anymore? I had forgot all about it. Three and one half years ago I started sending medical updates to save me from repeating myself and to keep everyone abreast of my trials. Is my health better? NO! Is there less drama? KINDA! Am I happier? YES! So why did it stop?

As much as I hate to repeat my list of ailments, maybe I should give you alittle background information. February 2006 I was diagnosed with Retroperitoneal Liposarcoma. What is that? Cancer deep in my belly, and of course rare. Not medium rare or stilll mooing. I love a good mystery anyway. I had surgery to remove tumor, right kidney it was attached to and surrounding tissue of a lesser grade cancer. This is a chronic (whiny) cancer that comes back ususally in the same spot or lungs or liver. Well, for your information my whiny ass cancer has not come back yet!! YEAH!

Before you get all excited and start applauding, it caused a couple of mishaps along the way. You take a kidney out and then you take medicine to keep your blood pressure down and to protect it. When you take a kidney out "with your eyes closed" you damage stuff. Adrenals had to go.....so that gives you a lovely things called "Addison's Disease". So you think "what the Hell?" This leads to a daily dose of steroids to keep you alive, which lead to osteoporosis. Now you think, "what the Fu@#$".

I now where a bracelet that has to list all of this crap, and the words are so small that the doctor or nurse who has to read it better be really young. Oh yeah, I already had asthma.

Back to square one. I think I either got bored with my diseases or my own personality. I have taken on a new persona that says "if I ignore my ailments, maybe I can get away with not being sick?" Damn, it does not work that way.

A few weeks back I got really sick. Was not sure if it was the "piggy flu" or something else. I call my regular Doctor and he says go to Emergency. Hmmm....maybe I will call my endocinologist and see if he has a different opinion. Doctor says go to Emergency. Crap, what now..... I am NOT going to Emergency, I am way too sick for that. You might think I am crazy but I have been to emergency. It is not pretty. I think to myself, "if I call an ambulance I won't have to wait in the waiting room". Does my insurance pay for an ambulance and will the kids be embarassed?

As I lay on the bathroom floor and pray to die before I throw up one more time, alittle light goes off in my brain. (scary huh?) Someone in my family was sick once and they were given phenegren suppositories to stop throwing up and they are in the fridg. I have no idea how old they are, and considering where you have to put them, who gives a crap, litterally. Who knows or cares if it expired 5 years ago. I saved my own life, wow. I can eat ice chips, I can eventually eat crackers. I am on the mend! YEAH!

When I told my friend about this, who also suffers from chronic diseases, she agreed. There is something about us people who suffer with constant problems that we can rationalize "things will get better". OK, so I don't have my MD, but I am a MOM, which means I can fix anything, just ask me.

Five days later I arrive at the doctors office, cuz now they can see me. They ask"how come the hospital did not call us?". to which I reply, "didn't go". The nurse give me this disgusted look and I explained my situation and asked her "would you go there and wait 5 hours in the waiting room, to be given a tylenol and a pat on the back?" She says "no, I hate emergency" I rest my case!!! And people think we do not need a health care plan! Have you seen this place? I have actually been sitting there with a son who needed stitches and watch people come in cabs drunk and try to get medicine. It is ridiculous and I feel sorry for anyone who has to work there. Ok, Ok, I will get off my little red wagon, (heh, it is mine).

That is where the "Illusions of Grandeur" comes in. (you were wondering, huh?) Living with constant illnesses changes you. In my little pea brain, I do know that eventually my cancer will come back and I will probably have to send a medical update to friends and family. In the meantime I will continue to live in the state of "sunny side up".